best friends

I've known her since I was 8 or 9. That's 16 years! We've been through ALOT together and I love her very much!

thoughts....

Writing on the last page of a journal I've been keeping since November has really made me introspective this afternoon. Alot has happened in life over the last 8 or 9 months. There was been joy and sorrow, pain and peace, laughter and tears.
Alot of the things that happened, I would never have wished for before hand, but I know that they stand to teach me important lessons and draw me closer to the Lord....and I know that it all HAS drawn me closer.
I do not yet know how to choose contentment in all circumstances, but even in the midst of darkness, disappointments, frustrations and trials, I have learned to trust that God has a plan and it is perfect (although I will probably have to go on learning, as it is a lifetime lesson, not a quick one). He loves me, and those around me, and the pain we feel brings Him pain, even when He can see the outcome of it all.
I think one of the most profound things I've written in the last months, one of the things that has helped me gain peace about, if not fully accept or even understand, the yucky stuff, was this:
"At this point, all I can do is look to my Savior and sob, "why?"And, in the midst of the ever increasing darkness and in the midst of my heart breaking ever more, I feel His love surround me and comfort me and I know His heart is breaking too. Because, this isn't what He wanted to have happen either."
He did not create us for pain and sorrow. He created us for love, for life, and for Himself. And through the work of Jesus on the cross, we can regain a piece of the life He made for us before sin entered the world, and the hope of eternity with Him in glory!

More National Forrest Park Pictures....

Beauty in the eye of the beholder....

We went to the national forrest a few weeks back (for some reason I wasn't able to load pictures on here until now). It was a beautiful afternoon and I got so many beautiful pictures.

I GOT A JOB!

YEAH! I finally have a job!
After looking for over a month, I finally have a job! I am going to be working for Starbucks! How cool is that?!?
Lots of free coffee coming my way, oh yeah baby! LOL

So, it's totally a cool answer to prayer, check this out:
For the last three weeks, I've been praying that I got a job by June 1st. I've put in applications all over, but I was really wanting to work for Starbucks.
There was one manager in particular that I felt really comfortable with, and he's going to be the manager at the new store. So, I was trying to stay in contact with him, and he was the one I kept calling.
So, when I called yesterday he wasn't in, and I left a message asking him to call me back, not expecting to hear anything until Friday.
Well, Jessie, Liam and I were getting ready to go swimming when the phone rang and it was the manager guy---Tim, and he said that they were having a job fair up North and if I was able to get there, he would love to interview me, since he wasn't able to at the last job fair I went to.
So, Jessie watched Liam and I borrowed her car and went up there.
On the way I was praying and giving the interview and my desire for the job to the Lord again and asking that He give me favor with Tim and that I would know when I walked out of the Starbucks up there whether or not I had a job. So, I met with Tim and had the interview and after that he asked if I had any questions. I asked a few because I read somewhere that questions are good and then after that he said, "Well, I really want to hire you. You had good answers to my questions and seem very honest, and you've shown great dedication in coming to two job fairs to try and get a job with us." And then proceeded to tell me to call him on Monday if he didn't call me to set up a training schedule!

YEE HAW!!!
I was so happy when I left that I was going back and forth between wanting to scream and wanting to cry. I called Jonny first thing and told him. SO, yeah, totally an answer to prayer. Thanks to any of you who prayed for me in this area!

Goodbye, Dear Kaiden

Kaiden went to be with Jesus today. I am heartbroken, and have not had words to relay my sadness until tonight. This doesn't even begin to do Kaiden, or his loss justice, but it's all I have right now:

What Do You Say
By: Jennifer Butcher
May 29th 2007

What do you say
To someone who has lost
A child, part of themselves
And what can you do
To ease the pain just a little?

All the words in the world
Can’t bring them back
And that’s the only thing
That would take away the sorrow

You know they are in heaven
Where there’s no pain, no tears
And you know that they are with Jesus
But it’s so hard to be right here
Without them.

So, what do you say
To someone who lost
A child, a part of themselves?
And what can you do
To help ease the pain

Just cry with them,
Grieve with them
Help carry the burden of pain
Talk with them, remember with them
Help carry the pain.


I have to admit, I have way more peace about Kaiden's death then I did with Kurt. I don't know why, maybe I'm more numb than at peace, or maybe God has blessed me with peace, or maybe I just am way more able to accept that God's answer wasn't what I wanted it to be, but that's okay.
I don't know, but for now, I am grateful for the peace.

Lord, please be with Stephanie and Omar as they walk down this road of sorrow and loss. Uphold them, draw them nearer to You and grant their hearts rest and peace. Make Kaiden a joyful memory to them and continue to unfurl the ways You have used Kaiden's short life for Your ministry and glory.
And, Lord, remind them that You see and understand their tears and You are mourning with them, even though You have Kaiden there with You. Amen.

A song to go with the Pain

Pain and Prayers
By Jennifer Butcher
May 28 2007



There’s a baby on life support
My friends are hurting
We all just want him well
We cry and we pray and
Hope for a miracle
God, why can’t it just come?

There’s a sister who’s sick
The family is hurting
We just want her well.
We wish and we pray and
Hope for a miracle
God, let it come today

There’s a girl in tears
And she’s really hurting
She just wants them well
She cries and she prays and
Hopes for some miracles
God, Bring them,
Bring us miracles today

God, please
Bring us miracles today

Pain

I'm sitting here in a puddle of tears as I pray for my friends' baby boy Kaiden. He's in the hospital again, but this time on life support. If it's breaking my heart this bad...I can't even begin to image what Stephanie and Omar are feeling right now.

How do you balance believing that God is going to heal someone and having peace if He decides to take them home instead?

I am still dealing with the pain and devastation of losing Kurt, after believing with all that was in me that God was going to heal him.

It's all I can do to pray "Thy Will Be Done" and trust that God knows best. I want Kaiden healed for Gods Glory and for Steph and Omar, and all the other people in the world he had the potential to touch in his life. I also want him healed for me. So that I won't be tempted to give up hoping that God can and will heal those I pray for.

Jesus, please heal Kaiden and please bring peace to Stephanie and Omar. Hold them through all of this. Be their comfort and shield. For Your glory. Amen.

Never Looked At Me

Never Looked At Me….
Jennifer Butcher May 17th 2007

You wonder why you’re all alone
You curse the air and scream out loud
You think you’d give up anything to have a friend
You always wish someone would see
And come and be just what you need
You wonder why you’re always so alone…

And I, I never left your side
I’ve always been right here
Close enough to touch, to feel
And I, I’ve always been your friend
Listened to the words that never end
Been everything you need,
But you’ve never looked at me

You pray and ask and beg for more
Just another soul to come and fill
The emptiness you feel inside yourself
And then you scream and cry and wonder why
No one’s ever stopped, just passed you by
You wonder why you’ve always been alone

And I, I never left your side
I’ve always been right here
Close enough to touch, to feel
And I, I’ve always been your friend
Wiped the tears that never seem to end
Been everything you need
But you’ve never looked at me

Maybe someday you’ll finally see
What you’ve always had
And maybe then you’ll look at me
And together we will be free…
But for now,

I, I will never leave your side
I’ll always be right here
Close enough to touch, to feel
And I, I will always be your friend
From now until the very end
I’ll be everything you need
Even if you never look at me

I’ll be everything you need
Even if you never look at me

Crazy Liam Outfits...

It is so fun having a toddler. They do some crazy things, like wearing underwear for hats, or trying to use pants as a shirt. I get some good laughs from what my son comes into the room wearing, or what I discover him getting into. Here's a couple examples from recent past:
My coat, my flip-flops.
All I can say is: He has on a bathmit for a sock!