thoughts....

Writing on the last page of a journal I've been keeping since November has really made me introspective this afternoon. Alot has happened in life over the last 8 or 9 months. There was been joy and sorrow, pain and peace, laughter and tears.
Alot of the things that happened, I would never have wished for before hand, but I know that they stand to teach me important lessons and draw me closer to the Lord....and I know that it all HAS drawn me closer.
I do not yet know how to choose contentment in all circumstances, but even in the midst of darkness, disappointments, frustrations and trials, I have learned to trust that God has a plan and it is perfect (although I will probably have to go on learning, as it is a lifetime lesson, not a quick one). He loves me, and those around me, and the pain we feel brings Him pain, even when He can see the outcome of it all.
I think one of the most profound things I've written in the last months, one of the things that has helped me gain peace about, if not fully accept or even understand, the yucky stuff, was this:
"At this point, all I can do is look to my Savior and sob, "why?"And, in the midst of the ever increasing darkness and in the midst of my heart breaking ever more, I feel His love surround me and comfort me and I know His heart is breaking too. Because, this isn't what He wanted to have happen either."
He did not create us for pain and sorrow. He created us for love, for life, and for Himself. And through the work of Jesus on the cross, we can regain a piece of the life He made for us before sin entered the world, and the hope of eternity with Him in glory!